When You Give Me a Name

Many of us are familiar with the riddle, “If  you say my name, I cease to exist.” with the answer being “silence”.  Fewer of us may be familiar with the phrase, “Name me and I cease to exist.”  This phrase is in reference to how we can limit each other with predetermined attributes and qualities that are based on our experiences and perceptions of one another.  For example, if I name you as being stoic and pragmatic, I risk limiting you from being other than that in my my perception of you.  I do this by framing your behaviors with a template of my own making and remove you from a framework of limitless possibilities.  I lock you into a restricted set of possibilities that will only allow your behaviors and choices to be labeled by me as various forms of stoicism and pragmatism.  I lose the ability to see any attributes that may point me in another perceptional direction by continually using those qualities to measure you against the template that I’ve created.

To truly see the value in you, it is my responsibility to leave my perceptual door open to possibilities for you to demonstrate traits other than those I have confined you to.  I can do this by continually getting to know you and how you respond to life situations and occurrences.  I can do this by leaving open to the moment, the information that presents itself and that will truly tell me what your feelings and thoughts are at a given time.  I can do this by being open to seeing you as a spontaneous individual that defines themselves on a continual basis.

The responsibility is not yours to see that this is done but is mine to control and not restrict my perception of you.  In this way you will always exist as who you are and therefore be able to enhance our relationship in ways that would otherwise have been blocked by my limited perception.  A false perception that could sway opinions of you by others and unfairly cause the real you to disappear or “cease to exist” from their perception.   It is my responsibility to control my perception of you so that it may be open and limitless.  It is my responsibility to open the door to and celebrate all aspects of you that you choose to demonstrate as a reflection of who you are.  It is my responsibility to see that you continue to exist on your terms and not have your qualities skewed by my self-determined, limited perception.  And it is my responsibility to allow you to freely develop, grow and change according to your time-table and life experiences.  One of the ways that I can accomplish this?   By never giving you a name.